Times like these, nights like these, I just wish I could just sit outside, maybe even by the beach, and just have a couple of smokes or a few beers (if I could drink them.) I think that would be my one and only reason to smoke. Is to just have something to do while sitting at a chilly beach in the middle of the night. Better yet, maybe just have an SUV where I can easily pop the trunk and even fall asleep there. Wishful thinking, though.

Tonight I've been thinking about Jason and what makes him act the way he does. I feel after he's suffered from his tremendous heart break over Mell, that it's destroyed his perspective on relationships in general. Pretty much the generic feeling of "relationships never last" and pretty much not putting any effort into them and subconsciously fucking them up. He's already a broken man, it seems. And he's been jaded ever since. And unfortunately, it makes me want to have this "hero" complex where it's like as if I could "save him from himself" and hope that everything comes out like cake in the end. But unfortunately I think that's the going rate for most girls out there who encounter the types of guys who really don't know what they want, and unfortunately say what they mean when they say they don't want a relationship "right now." Yet at the same time they still vie for your attention, they still want you, and they don't know why. Because they still see you as "wife material" maybe, and they are just afraid of the whole marriage scene.

Honestly, I don't get these types of people. And I don't know how to work with them. It makes me wish that there was some sort of strategy guide out there that can point you in all the right directions. But it seems like you'd have to wind up creating your own in the end, even if it means learning everything and starting from scratch the hard way, just to provide the strategies you've overcome to other people who wind up finding themselves in the same situations.

Is it worth helping people who are in this state of mind? Especially when they never want to discuss their innermost worries or fears? Or does it really take a couple of glasses of gin and tonic to really get them to talk? It's obvious that it's only they that can "fix" themselves. But even so, they still pull themselves through dirt and muck, regardless of how shitty and depressed it makes them feel from day to day. Is it the lack of motivation? Do they need someone to give them that "pick-me-up" they've been looking for? There's so many questions that have so many obvious answers that no one really wants to hear.

Wow, talk about rambling tonight, Lol.