I am a type of "girlfriend" (or whatever I am these days) that is more than willing to make friends with the ex-girlfriends of my current love interests (so long as they weren't jealous psychos or bat shit crazy.) However, when I do make friends with these girls, I pick them apart and realize, 

"This girl has more to offer than I do. Why the fuck is he with me?"

For instance, I see one of Jason's ex-girlfriends (or, first love if you want to get technical - at least that's how I look at it) who is just as artistically inclined as I am (we've discussed collaborations and whatnot) and she is actually a decent person (although Jason begs differ, but that's beside the point.) She's a really attractive girl, gothic (I don't know how else to describe the style, but she wears lolita and cosplays exceptionally well), has piercings (probably tattoos, as well), fair-skinned, cute face, and a nice figure to boot (similar to mine, at least); she has a love of anime/managa, gaming, goes to clubs, drinks, smokes, etc...

She seems to be Jason's type and exactly what he would want in a girl. And what do I have to offer? Maybe a love of drawing, anime, and gaming, and that is probably as far as it goes. If anything, I have my "average" body to keep me going in the long run. But other than that, she has so much more than me. They still communicate every once in a while (although I was told by Jason that they both agreed what they had now was totally platonic), but I can't help but wonder, why is there no spark between them anymore, or again for that matter? I am plain and average above all else, and I just can't help but wonder what there is about me that he wants anything to do with. I think it is something that he will never tell me, or be able to tell me. And I guess this whole thing comes from my intimidation and apprehension of other women - picking myself apart as to compare myself to them and make them out to be the betters as opposed to me.

I am the generic out-going, open-minded, gamer, artistic, anime geek that every nerdy boy dreams of. Keyword: generic. Because I have a decent figure and appearance is just a bonus to the package. And although at times that come to be quite an advantage for me, right now, it's not exactly something that makes me happy about myself, either. Believe it or not, I hate being the type of girl that every gamer nerd pursues. I'm tired of it, and it doesn't make me remotely unique. But unfortunately, it's something I just can't change about myself. I can't help the fact that I am near obsessed with my DS, that I have a talent for drawing, and passion for reading manga and watching beautiful art in motion, and the fact that I feel independent enough to where I could give shit less if I mention the word "penis" in a crowded retail store. I am who I am, and it seems like I can never stand out as much as I used to years ago. Now it seems like just about every girl of my "kind" are remotely the same way in some form or fashion. These guys claim that we are a rarity. Believe me, we are not.

All I really want is just a healthy, long-term relationship. Where I won't have the need or urges to feel insecure, where I can show it off to the world, and be strictly exclusive with one person and one person only.

I hate looking at other happy couples, and thinking, that they don't think about pursuing other people if they aren't satisfied with the person they have right now. I wish I could just be myself with a significant other and not worry about him looking for someone BETTER if I'm not up to his standards. I'm tired of feeling like I can never be up to par with what someone wants.

"I love Rhiannon Walsh more then anyone in my entire life. I love her smile and her childlike charm. I love how she smiles at me with a luring gaze as if I'm the only one in the world for her. There's nobody else I want to comfort and protect. There's nobody else I want to fight alongside their struggles, and she's the only woman in the world I want to wake up to every morning and for the rest of my life."

"I believe our possibilities can be endless, to say whatever we want but respect each other. Most of all I want to bring in my adventure and that's why I've been with myself because I need it. But I cry with you when your sad. I never forget you when your not here."

I left his bad spellings for good measure and sentimental bliss.

"I guess I just feel like you've been distant or something and it scares me from time to time."

"distant? lol
i think i've been the opposite
 i've just been busy with the new place, and school and work and what not"

"sometimes it feels like you get mad at me or frustrated over little things I do
I know, and that's understandable
and I'm afraid that those things will build up and you'll get tired of it
like how you fussed at me over the trash can"

"what do you mean"

"To be blunt I just feel like I seem dumb to you sometimes"

"well, to be honest, sometimes you do certain things that arent exactly smart
that doesnt mean your dumb"

"I'm not exactly a person of common sense, either."

"and i dont mean to harm you when i say your dumb"

"I know you mean it jokingly
But I guess it's just the little things I've noticed that you haven't, I dunno"

"well, its either your dumb and cute, or smart and cynical
i'll take the latter thank you very much"

"...Being dumb and cute hasn't exactly been the best package for men.
blah."

"it seems to work for me lol"

"Only for so long =/"

"its been a year and a half..."

"And if you prefer the latter, it kind of makes you sound contradictory lol
I know it has, but, I dunno, I guess I just keep thinking about it in the long run"

"listen, i like to think i bring something to a relationship, and if its common sense, then  so be it
you really have nothing to worry about ree
you have no reason to be afraid, my little waffle"

I have never posted a conversation between us and what lies between us 90% of the time.