Compared to this person, I feel like as if I'm some sort of 'newbie.' To him, I feel like some retarded airhead that I can't even stand talking to even to this day. I wish I knew more about this guy and who he really was. Whether he were just a fake or if he were real at all. It had only been about four to five conversations he and I have had until this one finally ended it. Would it be our last? I'm not sure. And being as gullible as I am, and too trusting as a matter of fact, maybe this man was as real as he said he was:


GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Hah! 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Long time no speaky! 
Kenshiro 199X: Hello.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Hiya. :D 
Kenshiro 199X: How are you?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Bah. Our house is only separated by a drive way with this other house, and the guys living in the house next door are cranking their music. And it's making me... erm... irrate. Rofl. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Crampy. :\ 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And it's not my menstrual cycle, either. ROFL. Or however it's spelt. 
Kenshiro 199X: Are you actually laughing or is that a defense mechanism?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Yeah, I just laughed. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Or. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Just a slight chuckle, or something. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Anyway, different subject. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Doing anything aWeSoMe for Halloweenie? :D? 
Kenshiro 199X: Hard to believe I'm already bored.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Awesome. 
Kenshiro 199X: No, I don't celebrate Halloween.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Ah, okay. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I think I'm at least going to dress as an old school ghost. 
Kenshiro 199X: If you believe that boring me is "awesome," why do you Instant Message me?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: lol, I was being sarcastic. 
Kenshiro 199X: I wasn't.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I know. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: o_O 
Kenshiro 199X: Well, are you going to answer the question?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I instant messaged you because I haven't spoken to you in a bit? :D? 
Kenshiro 199X: I'm curious, why are you interested in talking to me?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Actually, I don't even know that myself. I guess because I find having a conversation with a male more interesting than with a female. And as apathetic as you may seem, eh, I just feel like I want to keep on talkin'. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Which reminds me of Jeff, because he seems to be that way, too. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: But if you would really want me to stop talking to you, then just say so. 
Kenshiro 199X: If you are talking to me because you have nothing better to do, stop. If you are talking to me because you enjoy my company, continue.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Well I was leaning forward to your second option... 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Make that 'toward'. o__O 
Kenshiro 199X: Leaning toward isn't good enough for me. If you don't have the courage to express your feelings leave. I have no interest in evasive people.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Okay, so I do! I wasn't meaning to be evasive. In fact, I was also wanting to IM you to ask you to critique my new art, if you wanted to. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: To see what you thought of it... and all... 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I guess. 
Kenshiro 199X: I would like to see it very much.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Yeh~! :D! 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: <3 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I'm updating my dA, so I'll finish that up and send over the URL. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Have you ever been to deviantART? 
Kenshiro 199X: No, I don't look at other people's art unless I have a specific interest in that person.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Ah, okay. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Well I'm usually on that site off and on. Only recently I've really gotten into it. 
Kenshiro 199X: Should I still be waiting?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Almost finished~! 
Kenshiro 199X: I don't even know your name. The only thing I'm sure of is that you are very beautiful.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Wow, really? I thought you knew it? 
Kenshiro 199X: No, I don't.
Kenshiro 199X: And, you're welcome.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I hate it when people do that. 
Kenshiro 199X: I hate it when people fail to acknowledge a compliment.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And thank you. Sorry for having my self-esteem get in the way. >_> 
Kenshiro 199X: I have no idea what that means.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Because when you go through years of torment based on your looks, you're not really used to having people tell you that. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And my name is Rhiannon. 
Kenshiro 199X: You use emoticons, I don't. Don't use them to try and express some sort of emotion.
Kenshiro 199X: I apologize, you told me your name before.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: I know, I know, I'm trying to stop that. 
Kenshiro 199X: I also remember that you assumed that I would pronounce it correctly.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: If I were to ever hear you say it, yes. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Okay. Uploading this last picture, and I'll be finished. 
Kenshiro 199X: You will have to forgive me. I'm sick...sometimes my brain malfunctions.
Kenshiro 199X: Your pictures are unavailable to view. I would like to see them again. Is that possible?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: It would require me sending them to you through email. 
Kenshiro 199X: That is fine.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Alroighty. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And http://yanxie.deviantart.com/ here it is. 
Kenshiro 199X: They are very good.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Heh, thanks. 
Kenshiro 199X: You're welcome.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Trying to stay consisten with my Featured art, though. 
Kenshiro 199X: May I see your pictures again?
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Sure. 
Kenshiro 199X: Thank you.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: No problemo. 
Kenshiro 199X: Be quick, I'm dying.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Rushing, rushing. 
Kenshiro 199X: You must think that I am joking.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And I'm rushing. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Sent, sent, sent. 
Kenshiro 199X: Thank you.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Welcome. 
Kenshiro 199X: You are...exceptionally beautiful.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Thank you. 
Kenshiro 199X: Well, I thought I should do at least one good deed before I leave this earth.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Why do you want to leave?
Kenshiro 199X: I am alone and unhappy.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: And there's no, possible way for you to change that? 
Kenshiro 199X: But, I do not wish to burden a young soul with my troubles.
Kenshiro 199X: No one has ever changed it and I believe now that no one ever will.
Kenshiro 199X: I apologize, but I must leave my house before I lose consciousness. I don't want my family to find the body.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: ... 
Kenshiro 199X: I enjoyed your company, Rhiannon. You are very talented and I can tell that you are a special girl. Don't give that away to an undeserving person.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: ...I don't see why you would spend your remaining minutes talking to some net girl. 
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: But thank you for doing so, nonetheless... 
Kenshiro 199X: You are the only one who talks to me. If heaven does exist and I'm able to go there, I hope the angel's face looks like yours.
Kenshiro 199X: Goodbye, Rhiannon.
GlowNtheDrkNINJA: Goodbye... 
Kenshiro 199X signed off at 7:33 PM

You took your coat off and stood in the rain.
You were always crazy like that.
And I watched from my window, always felt I was outside looking in on you.
You're always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair.
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care.
You stood in my doorway with nothing to say.
Besides some comment on the weather.
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you've failed to see -
This is my heart, bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees.
These foolish games are tearing me apart.
And your thoughtless prayers are breaking my heart.
Breaking my heart.

I feel odd, and I also feel bad for posting an entry like this, considering Kehvo and all. Speaking of which, the bastard better be coming up here this weekend. o_O We need to do some uber trick-or-treatage, Rofl. I feel bad because I feel attracted to several other people at once - okay, well, maybe just two. And one of them just sits behind me in class, and I rarely talk to the guy. Actually, not even at all, Lol. I guess it's just one of those, 'OMG, I have a crush, but I can't express it!' But I'll get over it in due time. XP As for the other, well, he knows I exist, nonetheless. But he and I never talk anymore. In fact, I don't think he even reads my Xanga, so that's just super, Rofl. I guess I'll get over him, too. I feel like such a pimpett. For lack of a better word. XD All these... doods. Yeah. :| Given my current state, I could probably confuse all of them and become hypocritical or indecisive, or the like.

Meh.

Whatever.

I kind of ganked this froom some of Kehvo's letter to me. And because I'm in need of four poems for the 'Poetry Slam' in first period, I figured I would rig this thing up and give it a whirl. Sorry if this pisses you off, Kehv. XP So I guess it would have some significance to how I feel. And I also wrote this from memory in first period, lol.


I have only known you
for several weeks to a month, more
But already this muscle of mine
pulses with insanity when you near
I keep it hidden, but this poem will make it no more.
But you don't know.

I have youru AIM rigged
to the tune of 'Fat Man in a Little Coat',
from Tommy Boy when you log on
Or when your username
Changes from grey to black
and the away message comes down, I wonder,
To IM, or not to IM?
These are the ridiculous games
that I play on a day to day basis.
But you don't know.

I can figure you out,
before you have a single word to say.
With my photographic memory
I can even predict what that mind
has to hold within the next five minutes.
But something also tells me
That your heart will take five years.
But you don't know.

Is this love? I ask myself.
It could be, or I've subjected myself
to another unworthy feeling
But do you know?
Yep, you do now.

I need a boyfriend.

*what color pants are you wearing? None.

*what are you listening to right now?  Tori Amos.

*what are the last 4 didgits in your phone number? 7887.

*what was the last thing you ate? Cheese Nips.

*favorite color? Black.

*last person you talked to on the phone? Lindsrey.

*how are you today? Emo.

*favorite drink? LiveWire.

*favorite sport? DDR.

*hair color? Brunette.
*eye color? Gray.

*do you wear contacts? I wish.

*siblings and their ages? Alex, 16.

*favorite food? Sushi.

*last movie seen? The Pact (Wtf that ever was.)

*favorite day of the year? Thursday.
*have you ever asked anyone out? No.

*summer or winter? Winter.

*chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla.

*do you want friends to write back? It would be nice.

*who is mostly likely to respond? Lindsey or Kehvo.

*least likely? Jared.

*living arrangements? An attic.

*what book are you reading? The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West.

*whats on your mouse pad? A rather dirty art table. o_O

*favorite board game? Gaia Online.

*favorite smells? Just after a candle is blown out.

*can you touch your nose with your tongue? No, but I can bite my toenails. :D

*buttered,plain, or salted popcorn? Buttered and salted. *_*

*favorite car? BMW Voltswagon Beetle.

*favorite flower? Yellow roses.

*how many keys are on your keychain? About three.

*can you juggle? With balls.

*who would you hate to be trapped in a room with? Jesus.

*7-up or sprite? Sprite.

*favorite movie? Did you just fart?

*favorite purfume? Deoderant.

*favorite singer of all time? Tori Amos.

*dogs or cats? Cats.

*do you floss? Nope. (Boy, do I feel dirty.)

*bite your nails? Yep.

*pet peeve? Repetitive sounds and stupid people.

*would you eat green eggs and ham? With a fox in a box.

*do you see yourself with the person you are with now for the rest of your life? I agree with Kehvo.

*if you could be with one person for the rest of you life, who? Someone who has a penis, I'm sure.

I dunno, after reading Gary's postage stamp, I suddenly feel like I'm going into my rant mode. Rofl. And No Doubt is making a good job of making it better. XD Because speaking of stupid girls, I just feel like talking about stupid men/boys.

(Holy shit, I have five new Gaia PM's. X_X)

So anyway, this is suddenly making me think about Tim. Which he'll most likely never read my journal, lol. I'm thinking back into the past, and well, I feel kind of stupid. And smart, at the same time, I guess. The stupid part would probably consist of assuming. Which is one thing I hate about a human's characteristic is assumption, and here I am being hypocritical, lol. Yeah, I'm a hypocrite that hates hypocrites~!

Tim and I were supposed to wait for each other until next year, I'm guessing, around the time when the AMA5 rolls around. But I know that's not happening. He and I have such a dysfunctional effin' relationship that nothing will work out between us. He sees me as immature, but he was no room to speak. Considering how he's treating the people around him and how he seems to be cutting ropes from his friends in Richmond (as far as I can tell, he hardly speaks to them anymore :|) and especially me, who lives in shatty Bristol. Just a perfect example would be of me calling him not too long ago, probably a little over three, four weeks ago? When I called him, he was at work, telling me that he'll call me back. Guess what. He never calls back.

No surprise.

Either he's expecting me to, but if he wanted to at least have a five-minute conversation with me, he would pick up his broken fingers and dial an effin' number. But, no. Rather, I don't hear from him again, as if he never had existed. For all I care, he could have another girlfriend right now, and he's trying to avoid me. Because I've already told him about Mark, dunno if I told hiim about you, Kehvo. But he probably thinks I have a 'special someone', now.

But, whatever. I'm over him, I just felt like making a daily rant out to him. He can have fun with that if he ever reads this. Because I'm sure it doesn't make any damn sense. Lol.

As for other news, I was just commissioned on Gaia to do a portrait. XP I'm getting paid an Emo Bag, which is really nice, since those things are up to the 23k+ Golds. Weeeewwt. My art makes girls spooge their panties. XP I'm also working on another peice of art, but eh, I'm stuck with the arm. ._. I think I'm just going to go with the flow, not caring if the arms/hands/fingers look dysfunctional, Rofl.

Well Linds and I just got back from seeing the Grudge. Have you seen it yet? Don't. Because it really sucked. Sure, it had its, 'OMGWTF!' parts. But that's the only good thing. The expressions and effects were great, as were some of the scenes and characters. It was also nice how it took place in Japan with a 85% Japanese cast. That was pretty much only the good shat. The latter parts of it were either rip-off's, cheesy cliche's, or just generally sucked. I just can't wait to see the Ring Two. Omfg, that movie is going to pwn. Is already pwned all the other previes. God, there are already rip-off's of They and Darkness Falls. Christ, it's like, the movie directors suddenly think, 'Hey, I can make a better version of that movie! I think I'll redo it with some added features! Yay and stuff!' 

Blow it out your asses.

[rant mode]

Omeffin'God. It's strange how the tables have turned and oddly enough, have changed quite quickly. I remember back just before school started, PJ claimed to be in love with me. Things were well, I guess. He wasn't like a cocky ass hat like he is now. Rather, I'm like another idiot that he just pushes off to the side. And when did this happen? When he started dating Sonya.

Now, now, don't get me wrong. No, I am not jealous. There isn't anything to jealous over. And anyway, I already have an interest, and rather, this is just a rant to get off my chest. Sonya gets the idea that because I got peeved because PJ starts acting like a dick (from just a quick conversation, but by the way he was responding with five-minute delays with 'what' and 'noob'). I told Sonya that I'll just forget about ever speaking with him, and here she goes, having the nerve to say something along the lines of, 'Well PJ's not obsessed with you anymore, and that's why you didn't get to see the real him, because he was so obsessed.' - Wtf?

I know I'm making a big deal out of a simple IM conversation. But journals are for stupid, pointless rants, which journals are generally like people who can't say shit back, especially when it's offensive, Rofl.

Which is a good thing.

And since you're reading this Kehvo, I must say, that PJ used to loath Sonya. And I like(d) her. I don't know, she just seems to bother me when she randomly IM's me with some retarded message. Or even a comment that gets on my nerve.

She makes me out to be jealous, but that's not the case. I'm just. Effin'. Pissed. I could honestly care less of what PJ thinks of me now or feels about me. Because I know he doesn't feel the same anymore, which is just. Grand.

I hate attention whores, I hate preppies who claim you have an 'attitude.' 

I hate stupid people who throw shit at you when you're trying to draw a God damn good picture (has yet to happen to me, by the way. LOL.)

I hate people who assume things.

I hate hypocrites.

I hate Bush.

I hate the war.

I'm for abortion.

I can't stand Christians - especially the hypocritical ones.

I hate Tim for not telling me how he really feels, and just feeds me the bullshit that stuck to the bottom of his heel.

I hate to be disappointed.

I hated getting depressed last night.

I hate not admitting how I really feel.

I hate not knowing what I really want.

I hate being alone.

I hate this STUPID Windows Automatic Updates Restart/Or not to restart? pop-up. I DON'T WANT TO FRIGGIN' RESTART!

And I also hate leaving emo-esque posts such as this in my journal.

BOO YAH!

[/rant mode]

aaf14825: Bof me and my braber went to get breafest
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFL!!!!!
Rei Chan YoYo: No, no...!
Rei Chan YoYo: XD
Rei Chan YoYo: It's spelt...
Rei Chan YoYo: 'Breffass.'
aaf14825: o duh!!
aaf14825: lol
Rei Chan YoYo: Or  Brefass. o_O I dunno.
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFL.
Rei Chan YoYo: I remember my step-dad used to talk like that. XP
aaf14825: lol
aaf14825: We need to write a story about chris
aaf14825: The Life of Chris Hurd(Hitler)\
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFL.
Rei Chan YoYo: OMFG.
Rei Chan YoYo: We should. O_O
Rei Chan YoYo: I remember when I used to write Melissa Kenny stories.
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFLMFAO.
aaf14825: That is hilarious
aaf14825: She was awesome
aaf14825: :P
aaf14825: :p
Rei Chan YoYo: >____>
aaf14825: *
Rei Chan YoYo: I hated her, lol.
aaf14825: Me 2
aaf14825: I wanted to kick her in the face
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFL.
Rei Chan YoYo: I heard she got pregnant. o_O
aaf14825: What?!?!?!?!?!?!
Rei Chan YoYo: Yep, yep.
Rei Chan YoYo: And had either a miscarriage, abortion, or... or something. o_o
aaf14825: =-O
aaf14825: Who would screw her??
Rei Chan YoYo: >>;
Rei Chan YoYo: I KNOW, REALLY.
Rei Chan YoYo: I was thinking about that.
Rei Chan YoYo: That would be an effin' fugly lookin' baby.
aaf14825: No kidding
aaf14825: Maybe chris got her pregnant
Rei Chan YoYo: ROFLMFAO.

Well I'm back again with a hella shatty day. o_O; Well, not that bad. But MEH. I'm thinking about how important my schooling is right now, and thinking about college and graduation and what I'm doing after high school.

But I'm not doing.

Holy shit, I'm a lazy fuck.

So we're sitting in the room in M&W today. And this chick behind just bellows, 'WOULD THIS BE OKAY TO WEAR WHEN AD SELLING, MRS. P!?' April, Ryan, and I (and I'm assuming half the class turned to look at her attention whoring ass, and all she could say was, 'So that means everyone has to turn to see what I'm wearing!?'

Effin'A. Then her blonde duppy ass wants to start something about my pose resource book.

After that, I walked home with Danielle and stopped by Lindsey's house. Then I went to stop at home just before work and to see that Steven had left me a little surprise; a pinky flower think with white chocolate Reeses' cups a quickie note.

Sigh.

He really needs to quit spoiling me. ._.

This just in, the best compliment evar. X3

Beowulf1337: and for the record...you are still among the coolest things with a vagina ive ever met. and dont settle for less then what you want

Kehvo, you totally pwn my boxxorz! ;_;!! - Throws fist in air. -

I'm also thinking about starting a webcomic. ROFL! If anyone recalls reading my journal from just the beginning of this summer I was actually planning on that.

I am suck! :o!

It's one of the things I aspire for, but somehow, I feel like I lack the creative talent for humor and originality. As far as the art goes, I have that part squared away, along with storylines and characters. o_O;

I'm just not funny, apparently. <3

NEW ART, SUCKUHS! O_O

 

A new CG. :3



Mmmm, boredom.

More more art.

 

New ART.

Man, my auction on Gaia totally sucked balls. And I'm sure those balls were lovin' it too, because I sure didn't. But anyway, that's besides the point. I'm still going to work on revamping my journal, and maybe even post in it more. My soul just came out of my ASS. O_O And maybe I'll start doing some more comics, too. I just need the inspiration and ideas to be funny. Which I seriously lack. Been listening to Gorillaz a lot as of late. I think they're one of the main reasons for my inspiration to draw, Rofl. And by the way. My Xanga will totally own your Xanga.

Man, I am SO going to pwn all the Xanga here with my journal. XF Just wait till I revamp it - it's going to RULE. :D

And I couldn't find an album for 'The Knife' so I had to throw in a default group. XP

Welp, back again and I finished posting in Gary and Bunsie Boy's journal (I still remember j00r SW username! XP). I finished off four commissions last night, and I have about three more to go. After that, I think I'll start another art auction and get some quick Golds so I can complete me and Ryit's quest. But that's just Gaia talk. 

I really do heart this portrait I did though:



So right now I'm sort of suffering. Alex is blasting his damn music in his room and it sounds like some shitty car is starting up in his own room. Last night we were talking about this chick named 'Kittie' at our school. And I told him about how she's all like, 'OMG, ALEX IS SO HOT. I WOULD SO FUCK HIM!' 7_7; Scary thing is, I can imitate her voice almost exactly. So that was his ego booster for the day.

Just die in a plane crash, Alex. Nobody will notice. Honest.

I got paid on Thursday. And now that I have money - No longer gets allowance. - -___- I want to get out of this house, grab some Krystal's, and go to the mall and play DDR, or something. Steven got a job at GameStop. So it would be nice to stop by and see him, too. It sucks not having a car - I could save up, but I don't have the capability to save up my money. It's always SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.

Almost got into a food fight on Thursday, too. I was throwing chicken nugget things at Joseph and when I pegged him, he threw it back. Then I threw it back, and he just stands up and squeezes a bottle of tea (with just a bit of it left.) Fucking dumb ass - he gets all pissed and doesn't go along with it. - Joseph-Ranting-Mode. - I swear, the fucker tries too hard to be 'cool.' Or one of us for that matter. He thinks the highest form of an insult is 'faggot' or 'gaywad' or something. Tries to tell us he smokes once in a while, and gets grounded for sneaking into mother's alcohol cabinent. He's not getting anywhere.

Well my house is freezing. 7_7 And it has been looking very shatty outside. :| And I've been in my room since Friday (stayed out of school) with nothing to do. I want to get my check cashed. 7_7 I think I'm starting to repeat myself, lol.

I've been thinkin' a lot lately. About relationships and the like. To be honest, I really don't know what I want. I've already struck a few crushes/love interests - but I don't know how long those will last. Maybe I'm just better off alone.

Signature.

(Which I also just got warned about again today, LOL.)

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?

New art.


    

WELL, WHAT AN INTERESTING GAY. I mean, DAY.

I just sat on Jared's hand. I just turned into a faggot - I don't know how! Would you like to smell my sock? Did you know that kinda sounded like this Sims? You know? It kinda did? I was like, 'SIMS! Where!?'

You know I just copied down everything you just said?

What? ...You're... weird.

And now when someone looks back on that entry, they're gonna be like, 'WTF.' ...You're an idiot...!

Gah, my 18th birthday finally came last week - October 3rd. o_o I'm legal! Yay~! Now I can officially have a 20-year old boyfriend. Rofl. And today I bought my first carton of cigarettes - although they were for Jared's mum. Really! They were...! >___>

Are all 18th birthdays supposed to suck?

Well anyway, today Jared and I lounged around until we finally headed out, got his mom that carton of cigarettes, then we went to the anime club - which not many of us were there; just myself, Jared, Steven, Ryan, Adam, some guy, Li Chan, Lee, and then Cupcake, who finally arrived at like, the last of the meet. Rofl. Then we went to Jumbo's - I stuffed my face as soon as I got my food. XP Then Jared and I made our happy asses all the way to the mall and played several rounds of DahDRR. Rofl. Talked with Nikki for a few while she was on break, and then made our way back to Jared's. >>;

Tomorrow mom, my brother, and I are supposed to be taking these plane lessons my grandpa bought for us for Sunday. -________- I'd rather play a whole day of Gaia, lol. 

SPEAKING OF GAIA...

I finall got ALL 2004 Letters~! - Glee. - ^^o Just enough to get the December Letter - or maybe if I sell my Jack Shirt, OMG Hat, and the '04 Letters, I can get a Devil Tail - how aboot 'no.' Rofl. - Hearts teh Jack Shirt. - :3 

Hm, well, nothing of interest is really here. >____>; I would harass GARY about his journal, about my snoopage into it. XP But apparently he's working at his new jobby poo (the Tilt in Johnson City run by ASS HATS -- I didn't say that, did I? >______> Well yes I did. AWESOME.) Already 7. Wonder when I have to be home by? I'll just wait for mom to call. >D

Glad I finally update. :3 Because I'm just super, now.

God, things have been so fucked lately. I don't even know what to do or believe any longer. So much for my Richmond stay for a week. It was totaled by torment that had gradually built up.

Ever since I left, I've contemplated on what I should do. Tim expects me to just move on; to just forget about him, in hopes of me maturing within the next year or so. I guess that leaves him enough time to just forget about me and find someone else. Which supposedly seems to be the case. Aside from his own life being fucked from his home life, job, and car, etc. And to only realize that I've just been thinking about myself through this whole situation. Time will heal. But it will also change. A lot.

I haven't cried at all, thankfully, during this whole situation. Which I'm glad for, because that would the last thing I would want - to just cry, and cry, and cry. I guess I see no point in it. Maybe it's the first step to maturity? 

This seems to be some stupid soap opera. Girl loves boy, boy feels odd, other girl feels the same, bets $100 that she'll get him before the other girl does and pisses the chick off. ROFL, Omg, that's so confusing. O_O; My problem is that I doubt I'll find anyone else. Within the next year? I doubt it. The one I've wanted, to give me another chance, deems insignificant. Like it'll never happen. I said I would wait - but to only wait when there is another who feels the same as I do? God, and he's still holding last year against me, which I am not even about to get into. Lindsey thinks he's stupid for doing so, since he brings it up from time to time. 

I feel like I'll never get that chance. To let him trust me again, now that we've completed that final predicament we went through no little than a year ago. He told me to forget about him and to go on with life; concentrate on school and get jobs, and get a car. 

And then see about coming back in a year.

Because he is so messed up right now, he doesn't have time for a relationship. And the fact of the matter is, is that I'm apparently too immature, like a kid in a candy store. That I can't decide what I want. The last I saw him, we talked. And it ended up in him telling me only what I wanted to hear. Not what I needed to hear. Which pisses me off, because it leads me on and even brings up my hopes the slightest, although I've convinced myself not to do that anymore. It seemed as if the whole conversation was a lie. 

If he no longer feels the same; if he no longer wants to try, to even give me one more chance and tell me that, well, the one year wait is pointless, then... I wish he would just say so. And not keep it hidden. I'm crazy about this guy, but if he were to just tell me that rather than leading me on rather than telling me the complete TRUTH... it would only hurt more to find out later on.

The same thing is happening, but only to me this time. I'll just have to forget him, as he suggested. And do the same that he did about me after the incident with Steven. It's probably going to be as hard as it was for him. But eventually, I'll forget and go on. But I know it will all come back to me when I return to Richmond. But in order to forget, I want to cut off all communication to Richmond. This makes PJ mad, but, it would just... ease the pain, I suppose.

I just want to forget it all, it all.

Well I forgot to make a new entry for this long-forgotten blog of mine. Just recently I went to Richmond, VA again to visit the same friends. I stayed with Sonya from Sunday to Thursday morning and went home on the Greyhound bus. My, it was hectic...

Not much to say about that though, since a lot of your who know me as well as you do could probably get the gist of how my 'vacation' went. Weeeee.

God, Xanga is being so fucking gay. Trying to upload a new profile picture which is probably HALF the size of my past pictures and it wouldn't let me upload it.

- Kicks Xanga. - Fucking asshat.

Gaia's down, too. But I won't kick it. 7__7

I hung out with Jared and Linds tonight. We were ment to draw together but rather we talked and goofed with Gaia for a bit until we went into Lindsey's kitchen.

After Jared left, Tim called and he and I talked for some 20 minutes. That is, until his mom booted him off the phone (which sounded quite forcefully.) He's having his problems. I don't want to get involved, but I want to cheer him up. And maybe make things just a little better. Even if it would be temporary.

Jason's right. Maybe I do only have infatuation for him. When it comes to Jared, he says 'infatuation can be a good thing!' ...Blah.

I've been thinking about my break up with Steven. Now I don't even want to talk to him or see him. For a while, at least. He's been too different lately, and a bit immature. He's only been thinking about himself during the whole thing. Suji would probably rant his head off about this. u___U 

Yaaay. I'm supposed to go to California for a week next month sometime. That should be fun. I want to go into Little Tokyo - although I'd much perfer the real Tokyo. But it's better than nothing.

Well, back again. The convention was a HIT! And I loved it! ^__^ I finally got to cosplay as Yuri from King of Fighters and I looked pretty sesky at it, too. :D The convention was full of awesome shat - but it was also a bit of a downer, as well.

I finally met Tim, Richard, and Sonya in person. It was awesome to finally meet them. We got to the con about an hour earlier before the others did so Linds, Jared, and I just hung around outside of the hotel. That night, Tim and I had some alone time together. It was so fun. ^_^ I really enjoyed being with him; since we talked about so many things and various subjects. Not mention a bit of mindless flirting. xD; Somehow I felt that I couldn't part from him, though...

Steven did know about us meeting together in Virginia. And the whole time he was depressed. - Sighs. - It was just hard for him to be convinced that I won't ever really see Tim in person again. I know, I understand how he feels; paranoid that I may cheat on him, or something. Blah. There just a lot more to it than that, and I don't really care to explain it. X_X

Back again. And it's so late. Anyone checked the time on this entry, yet? ^_^; I haven't been able to sleep for the past day, or so. I guess it's because of the things that I have on my mind, and because of this God awful WEATHER. It rains for a while, seemingly a storm... storm brews... THEN IT'S SUNNY AGAIN! Dammit, why couldn't the school days be like this? u_______U;

...Still have Northern Lad stuck in my head. Now I'm beginning to think it's because of the song in general. It's beat and tone. o_O; Eh, could be.

To be continued... later in the day! O___________o

It has been days since I've listened to the same Tori Amos song over and over. Maybe it could have some meaning...? Had a northern lad... God who painted that... I thought we'd be okay, me and my molasses...

I know these past entries have been nothing much being relevant to the same thing so repetitively. I suppose the only thing I have to express myself to its (near) fullest would be through my blog. At least I have people reading what I have to say half the time...

What I've been told lately was not to dread on the past, but work toward the future. Learn from your past mistakes and not repeat them. Ingore your feelings; try to rid of them. They will only cause you grief and problems. But even so - it seems to be both good and bad to have reverted back to these resurfacing thoughts and feels. Even though I can never have what I once had as my own, I can't help but think, will I ever have a second chance. Will I ever be committed. Would I have to wait until I'm 35. 

I knew during that time that I would heavily regret what I found myself doing. I would never know, but it would eventually happen. And already, it is. Because I finally realize what I lost. What I don't have. What could have been mine up to this day.

But now it's gone. He's already replaced. I'm already replaced. But... "what if?"

...I'm truely, deeply sorry for what I did to you.

the last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell
tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?
you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song
the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about
tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you
you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song
you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

It is not something that I can confess to just about anyone.

And I know how stupid it may seem; how I continue holding a grudge against myself for the crap I pulled off, resulting in, myself fucking up. Because of the memories and the dreams I've had, I just feel miserable because of my doings. I was too submissive. I couldn't control myself. Therefore, I was too weak to even hold a relationship. Even if it were an internet one.

What's funny, is that he has no idea what I feel right now. You could laugh; it's kind of funny. Especially when I know that I choose to feel this way. I remember talking to Steve about this kind of thing, once. "You know how bad it's making you feel - do you enjoy feeling this way if you keep going on about it?" 

Maybe, so.

Nobody can change the past. It's strange how choices and decisions could take you into a complete turn. Right now, I could be graduating early and leaving Bristol. Maybe I could be having a car, or even a good job. Maybe I'll still be with him.

Tonight was MAD funny. I started posting this as soon as I got home. >_> But knowing me, and my horrible sense of humor, it just had to be posted. So anyway, after we had dropped Steven off at his place, Linds, Jared, and I went to Arby's (after about ten minutes of deciding where to GO.) Welp, I still had the bag of chips that Streven had gotten me, so, I finished them off while waiting on Linds and Jared as they got their meals. When they came, I was already hyped up. o___O I pulled the bag inside out (which I always happened to think of it as a magic trick of mine xD) and turned it into a hand puppet. Jared and Lindsey started to crack up from seeing such a retarded object, and Jared started to call it Oven Mit. xD Well over time, we all started to just crack up at quotes from comediands Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, and Pablo Francisco, and some other, lesser known comedians. >_> We were causing a riot, needless to say. xD GET THE FUCK AWAY! So basically the new 'Oven Mit's' personality was relevant to Jimmy's off of South Park. He stuttered a lot. Afer drawing a fawked up face on the ratty baggage, we named it, 'Stoner Oven Mit.' xD Eventually we decided to go fishing again at the lake by the 421 bridge. Of course, I brought Stoner Oven Mit, and attempted to attatch him to my pole to let him go for a swim. The damn bag got caught as well as water getting into the baggy (wow... who didn't see that coming? >___>) But about ten minutes later (everything lasts *about* ten minutes in my world) I managed to snag him again after he got loose. xD "D-D-D-Dam-Dam-Dam-D-D-Dammit wh-wh-why d-d-d-d-did y-you have t-t-t-to g-g-get m-me-me a-a-ag-aga-aga-again!?" Sad thing is, I left the Stoner Oven Mit when we left to fish at another dock. :( This entry is dedicated to Stoner Oven Mit~!

It would be awesome if Xanga was a word.

Hah, hah, SUXXORS. You still have school while I'm out... Oh... how sad for YOU... I'm out TODAY. Mwahaha.

I just had to shove that in your faces. :D

For those from SW, Suji does not have a Xanga blog, so don't bother clicking his username. Why would he do that, you shouldn't bother asking. xD

I got a dollar, I got a dollar, I got dollar, hey, hey!, HEY!

w00t. After this class we have locker cleanouts. Thank God my locker isn't as bad as it was last year... Or the year before... >____> I wish I could take a picture. But I'll give you a few ideas: countless bottles of LiveWire and assorted bottles crammed in the top shelf, ratted papers and at least three notebooks on the bottom.

Doesn't sound as bad as last year. xD I even took the liberty into taking three shots of my locker from last year. I would collect random shat and stick it all to the door of the locker. >___> Maybe I should hack into my locker of last year - I still remember its combination. MWAHAHAH. I actually did that earlier this year. o_O I 0wn. Maybe I should start saying that with a 'p.' No. I'll become a non-conformist! o____O

...That was just gay.

As for the webcomic, I'm still drawing out characters. I hav a long way to go.

As for GAIA, I completed a two month-old job (which should have been done in about two days of its order... >___>) and another avatar edit. I have yet to finish that poster for an OMG Hat (YAYS! ^__^), as well as an avatar portrait for 10k (auctions roxxors.) Last night The Peanut God flattered me too much by saying '600G for a portrait is too cheap.' Well. It's a lot cheaper in my shop. 300G. Wow. Does anyone else even think my work is that good? :\ My insecurities are exploding right now. Meh. I'll have to think on this for a while.

I'll be willing to a billion portraits just for a pair of DJ's. u_u; Already up to nearly 30k... sadly. - le Sigh. -

I want some LiveWire... ;_;

LiveWire Count: 23

Super happy Tori Amos Lyrics! ^_^ This entry will mind boggle you!

Cornflake Girl

Never was a cornflake girl
Thought that was a good solution
Hangin with the raisin girls
She's gone to the other side
Givin us a yo heave ho
Things are getting kind of gross
And I go at sleepy time
This is not really happening
You bet your life it is
Peel out the watchword just peel out the watchword
She knows what's going on
Seems we got a cheaper feel now
All the sweeteaze are gone
Gone to the other side
With my encyclopedia
They musta paid her a nice price
She's puttin on her string bean love
This is not really happening
You bet your life it is
Rabbit where'd you put the keys girl
And the man with the Golden Gun
Thinks he knows so much
Thinks he knows so much
Rabbit where'd you put the keys girl

Baker Baker

Baker Baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder what's in a day
What's in your cake this time
I guess you heard he's gone to L.A.
He says that behind my eyes I'm hiding
And he tells me I pushed him away
That my heart's been hard to find
Here there must be something here
There must be something here here
Baker Baker can you explain
If truly his heart was made of icing
And I wonder how mine would taste
Maybe we could change his mind
I know you're late for your next parade
You came to make sure that I'm not running
Well I ran from him in all kinds of ways
Guess it was HIS turn this time
Time
Thought I'd make friends with time
Thought we'd be flying
Maybe not this time
Baker Baker baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder if he's ok
If you see him say hi

Past the Mission

I don't believe I went too far
I said I was willing
She said she knew what my books did not
I thought she knew what's up
Past the Mission
Behind the prison tower
Past the Mission
I once knew a hot girl
Past the Mission
They're closing every hour
Past the Mission
I smell the roses
She said they all think they know him well
She knew him better
Everyone wanted something from him
I did too but I shut my mouth
He just gave me a smile
Hey they found a body
Not sure it was his
Still they're using his name
And she gave him shelter
And somewhere I know she knows somethings only she knows

Well, I never got a chance to post an entry for this weekend. So here it goes. Friday night Steven stayed over and we just... chilled, I guess. o__O The school was having class night, but he didn't bother to go, thinking that he wouldn't win an award. Come to think of it, he actually did, but it was for Drama (they were awesome in the Crucible. O_O) Then Saturday, Jared and I had our fair share of boredom, and decided to head to Java Jay's with Sam after dropping Steven off at home. It was a joyous moment just playing on my laptop the entire time we were at Java Jay's. xD I love wireless connections. This Mac is lagging like hell. u_u; Well I stayed with Jared Saturday night, and Sam eventually came back over to his house. We watched Mitch Hedberg on Comedy Central and played on our laptops half the night, then had a nice little Tarot reading by Sam. Thanks Sam, they helped a lot. o_O Early Sunday afternoon Jared took me back to my place so I could do my chores and whatnot. LOL, Then later on he called asking if he wanted to hang out again, and we went to Johnson City so he could find a deck of Tarot cards. The whole time I carried my bookbag with me (since I have a habit of doing that.) This is when the whole GBA SO paranoia started. I thought I had lost the damned thing; that it might have fallen from one of my bookbag pockets. X_X It wasn't until yesterday afternoon when I finally found it stashed in my room. xD I heart my SP big.... Welp, after our JC adventure, we picked up Steven again and I took him home with me. ^_^ He stayed the night again, and we went to school together. He actually got his tush out of bed for once! O_O He's so cute. ^___^;; Welp, then came Monday and he came home with me this afternoon, again. Jared and Lindsey were going to go to JC (since LINDSEY didn't go SATURDAY with us. >___________>) But I decided to stay anyway, since Steven was waiting for his mom to pick him up (which we eventually took him home around 9:45 at night. -_-) And that was my weekend. o_O

...My newest CG.

w00t. I feel like Edward from Bebop. xD; Just sitting on my ever so comfy futon (which mother dear believes it to be "sleeping on railroad tracks") with legs propped on either side of the laptop. XD One more quote to throw at you!

ryudojomaster: you know I'll laugh when you get live wire cancer
ryudojomaster: and then I'll throw my false teeth at you
ryudojomaster: breaking my arm in the process
Rei Chan YoYo: Yhar.
Rei Chan YoYo: Another wonderful quote to add to my blog. 

Anyway, I feel like raping my Dreamweaver MX now. Why? Well, today (more like tomorrow, technically) we had to complete a website of our own, of whatever we wanted, in Webdesign. Welp, I happened to do one of my webcomic site (which obviously won't be used xD;) and I managed to get into the 'top three', or so Mr. Huber had said. I could have done better, by redoing it and using frames and whatnot, but I left it as is. At least I had all my links together. :D

As for fourth period, all we did was take our 6-week exam for Art III and do a water color still-life of a tree with some... background. Because of everyone feeling like the test was hard as hell (because we couldn't remember a damn thing XD), Mr. Lockett decided to give us the answers and review each of the questions. As for the painting, eh, he liked it, but it was all right. ^_^;

LiveWire Count: 22

Hey, I could have a living becoming a citrus fruit! :D

Citrus fruit? Hm. Maybe. :D

Description of Your First Name of: Rhiannon

Your first name of Rhiannon has made you happiest when you are expressing in some creative, artistic way, and not conforming to strict routine. In a large group of comparative strangers, you are quiet and rather shy, unable to express yourself, not really wanting to become involved in conversation. On the other hand, among friends with whom you feel at ease, you are expressive, witty, and quite charming. These contrasting natures make it difficult for people to understand you and can lead to friction in your personal life. You are deep, philosophical, and refined, but your extremely sensitive nature causes you to become depressed and self-pitying over any real or imagined slight.

Description of Your Combined Names of: Rhiannon Walsh

The combined names Rhiannon Walsh show that, while you desire accumulative and stable conditions, you are constantly drawn into situations that cause you to deplete your financial resources. Your associations are too frequently easy going, pleasure seeking people, who have little to offer you. Nevertheless, you attract some very fortunate conditions, and something always turns up to help you out of a difficult situation; but this is not the stability you desire. Uncertainty and fluctuations dominate your affairs. These names could also take you among emotionally indulgent people who could draw you into experiences that spoil personal happiness. Over-indulgence in rich foods could lead to liver disorders or skin problems.

You people suck. You don't post any comments in my journal.

Well, I just got back from hanging out with Jared tonight. I stayed the night at his place last night with Sam. Needless to say, I just spent the whole time on my laptop and watching Mitch Hedberg with them. ;)

Tonight, Jared asked me to hang out with him today, since Lindsey was with Danielle from Saturday to only God knows when. O____o So we both went to Johnson City and went to Barnes & Noble and Books-A-Million because Jared wanted Tarot Cards, seeing as how Sam was reading them for Jared and I last night. xD; As for me, I was trying to get a sketchbook at Michael's, but they were closing just as soon as we got there. -_-; Bleh. I guess Steven will be proud since I'll be reusing one of my half-full sketchbooks. >______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________>

That face was awesome.

I am now going to start a LiveWire count. Of how much LiveWire I drink this summer. xD We'll start with 20, Streven says. Oo; And Jared's going to start a webcomic, too. Perhaps I'll even start a trend? That would be awesome. Steven is going to be my sesky inker who will BOW DOWN TO WHATEVER I TELL HIM TO INK! 

- Whimper in the background. -

I still love you. - Huggles and kisses. - Streven, by the way. Because he can read everything I say! Everything I say. Everything I say. Everything I say. >____> Er. TYPE.

w00t.

Give me some comments!