It is not something that I can confess to just about anyone.

And I know how stupid it may seem; how I continue holding a grudge against myself for the crap I pulled off, resulting in, myself fucking up. Because of the memories and the dreams I've had, I just feel miserable because of my doings. I was too submissive. I couldn't control myself. Therefore, I was too weak to even hold a relationship. Even if it were an internet one.

What's funny, is that he has no idea what I feel right now. You could laugh; it's kind of funny. Especially when I know that I choose to feel this way. I remember talking to Steve about this kind of thing, once. "You know how bad it's making you feel - do you enjoy feeling this way if you keep going on about it?" 

Maybe, so.

Nobody can change the past. It's strange how choices and decisions could take you into a complete turn. Right now, I could be graduating early and leaving Bristol. Maybe I could be having a car, or even a good job. Maybe I'll still be with him.