Well, this weekend was pretty decent. I hung out with Linds, Jared, and Tory Friday night when we went to go see Date Movie and Linds, Jared, and I hung out at the Tilt for a bit beforehand. I totally got the munchies for Chinese thanks to PJ, and I got some at the last minute and ate in the parking lot while the three of us waited on Tory's slow-ass to get to the movies. :P Saturday I stayed over at Tory's then late in the morning I left and just stuck around home all day~

Date Movie = HILIARIOUS. roflrofl

Oi, and we just so happened to run into Danielle at the Tilt, too. She was busy asking Jared if he wanted to come to her wedding, and Lindsey's still the bridesmaid. She seemed pretty okay Friday night. Not so damn insanely hyper and trying to get every boner in the arcade. Then she finally re-asked me if I was going to come, since apparently she did before and I forgot, Rofl. I told her I would think about it, and that if I forgot, to not take any offense. I'm still heavily debating if I should go. And if I do (and Jared doesn't go), I'll try and drag Tory along, since I don't want to go alone. Still something to think about though, because going to that wedding would involve me running into people that I don't really feel like or want to see, for that matter. Not to mention the fact how Steven hates Tory and if I brought Tory with me, then I think drama in Drama City would insue - especially how Steven is so damn over-dramatic.

This snow is insanely insane~! We were talking about the snow at work earlier in the week, but I didn't think it would actually come again, Rofl. But when we woke up at Lindsey's (thanks to Jared's boytoy calling, Rofl), it was just effin' pitch white. It was nuts!! And it's the exact same way this morning. And for some reason, I am kinda hoping that Tory doesn't go into work today. I have an urge to just go over to his house and spend some time with him... :P (Especially since he's been bitching all weekend about WOW not working for him! ROFL.)

Man, I really hate it just before my period begins. Because during that day or two, I wind up getting all emo and depressed.

I haven't talked to Linds in a long while, and since she's been hanging out with Danielle, talking with Greg, and sleeping, well, I dunno. Makes it seem like she doesn't want me around or something. And I know if I don't bother to call for a long period of time, she won't bother to call herself. ~_~ So I just mustered up to talk to her about it. I'm still feeling poopy about it, though. Ugh.

Then there's the whole situation with Steven. We talk seldomly and when I feel like IM'ing him when he's on (which is about my doing about 90% of the time...) and I just get this distinct feeling that he doesn't even want to try regrowing our friendship. -_- I try talking to him about Holly and stuff... maybe get to know their relationship a bit more. Talk to him about his Valentine's Day, and he seemed all happy and jittery. But when I throw in what I did, all I get are, "-_-'s" and "...'s". BAH. Then he has the odacity to pass me up on the Parkway. I don't know what the fuck he feels anymore. I think all I get from him is HATE, HATE, HATE. He doesn't give a shit. Maybe I shouldn't either, anymore... Just wish he would open up or something and tell me how he truly feels. Would be nice for a change, instead of another God damn argument. Are my efforts truly worthless? Someone please tell me different if they aren't.

Then I hardly ever talk to Dawid anymore. But at least he's fixing his wonky internets. Basically it just feels like what we had is falling apart. Maybe it was too damn good to be true. I can't even talk to him anymore without fogging my eyes up and just wondering wtf is going to happen. He says it's more than possible that he will be coming to Anime Mid-Atlantic with me. But I just have this gut feeling that he's probably better off going to bigger conventions and probably has things better to do. If I'm lucky, maybe I can get my hopes up. Again.

And I don't know if Tory and I will get back together or not. I'm still worried that he might hurt me, even though I'm usually the heartbreaker... Can't help but know the feeling, though. I remember at the beginning of our relationship, the ways I acted and my immaturity really got to him. He told me that he was over that now, and that he wants me to just be "me." But who's to say that he still feels that I get on his nerves from time to time, and eventually, it'll just boil and he'll tell me to fuck off? I don't know... I trust him with a lot of things, now. And I admit, our relationship feels like it ended prematurely. But I don't know... I just want a little convincing is all. I just hope he understands that. I just don't want someone to hurt me due to me being ME.

This is my depression talking. I really dread getting my period now. I blow things out of proportion and say things that I don't mean and that don't need to BE said... but it's a journal, hey, I don't care, as long as someone has to confront me with it.

Makes me wish I could swallow pills. Then I would totally take anti-depressants... -_-

When I'm back from the road 
and you're out on it
and I'm tired of this distance
and I believe it's over-rated.
And this phone tag game is endless
the novelty is wearing
I'm hoping time will pass
without any assistance
or convincing.

Road rules apply
there's so much action,
you're getting busy.
I'll call your cellular phone
to tell you TV night was
lonely without you
and so am I...
so am I.

It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.

So many high points on this last leg.
I can't wait to recount them
it seems like nothing's happened
until I've shared them with you.
The note that you had called
says youre half a day away
and you are heading home
just in time for me to leave.

Road rules apply
there's so much action
I'm getting busy.
So make sure that I'm up to date
on TV night,
I hate to miss out.

I think I miss you most
on Wednesdays
and Saturdays.

It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.

Why is it so easy to allow someone to just drift out of your life?

It's just another one of those journal entries where I want to shout out to someone so awesome and so special to me. Lately we've been talking a lot more, which I'm glad fer, since we went through this long-ass period of just...randomly not speaking to each for the longest time a while back, ROFL. Even though we only know each other through the internets, Petor has been, and will always be, right up there in my besterest friends list. Regardless of the interbutts, I'd say he's my best friend out of everyone I know online. Sounds silly, but I don't give a sheeeeaaahht. What we have is awesome. I feel special knowing that he can allow himself to open up to me and I to him. He's been in a hella rut lately, so I'm hoping to help me out with whatever mental issues he has going on inside that Danish muffin head of his. Whatever happens, I am glad to be there for him. :] What Peter and I have, I don't want to lose. I'm really glad to have such a great friend to be entrusted with..

I heart j0 big, Petor!!! :U!! <3

Edit:

Figured I would brag aboot Endar a bit moar, since this entry is basically dedicated to him. :]

I have few friends, far and in between, that I have known for at least two years or more (that I have yet to even meet in person, that is.) I could name of a couple; like maybe Jason I've known since the seventh grade, Steve, since I've known about my freshman year, and Kevin since about the sophomore year, and even Jaron, another great friend of mine, since I've known God knows how long. XD (Weird-ass sentence. D:) I've known Peter, well, as he would like to put it, about some two years, now. We met when I joined up the Samurai War fora (he got me using the Latin term for forum... :P), which was based off of the original Samurai War online text-based MMORPG.

He came off as sum serious dood when I first saw him up in the forums (as a matter of fact, everyone still sees him as this sErIoUs Danish muffin roflrofl); but it wasn't until one day he randomly IM'ed me (this was also the period when I had a mild crush on Eric, rofl) and we start up a chit chat conversation, since apparently, I dunno, I don't remember... maybe Endar can refresh my memory... rofl. Since then we had started to talk and eventually that summer when we met we grew feelings for each other. I still remember setting my speakers on high just so I can hear my "MOOOoOO~!" alert when he logged on at around ten in the A.M. ROFL. So many fond memories we had...

Then eventually when I quit the fora due to some kinda circumstances, later on down the road, it seemed to have changed a lot when I came back for a brief period of time. Then to find out that Peter finally found a new girlfriend named Emma, and how he also hardly posted on the forums anymore. Our conversations eventually grew seldom, and when we did talk it dried up within five minutes. Eventually, we stopped talking altogether.

A long-azz time went by, when we finally started up conversation again. Not only updating each other with our lives, but also finding ourselves opening up to each other more with things than we would with other folk. Then it occured to me, that out of all the people I had gotten to know how the entire Samurai War group (SW forums were like the second Enevo to me... ^_^; [Enevo being my first forum created by PJ back in the day when I first met Tim, Rich, PJ, Sonya, etc.]), Peter was the one who stuck with me in the end and was someone whom I could find trust and solace in. Peter is someone that I really hope to meet in the future, and I would prolly put a razor to myself if I never meet him. xD

A lot of people I know in real life would prolly thing I'm a weirdo for feeling this way and talking about someone on the internets that I have never met before. But to be honest, even though we do hit up chat with people online from time to time that we will probably never meet in our lives, there is always a human being behind that screen name - not some mechanically-generated bots created to entertain us, like SmarterChild... :] Even if they could be lying to us, and claiming they're this 17-year old hottie who is actually 55 with womens tits, they're still a person there...

Well, thanks to a certain someone, he almost go me all emo-fied because of his current predicament, Lol. But thanks thanks to a certain someone named NICKOLAS BOYD, I managed to get right back up thanks to his radio show. He asked yesterday morning aboot 8 in the AM if I wanted to be his co-host on an interbutts radio thing he had going on with Lock Legion, some kinda Flash place he goes to... xP So he let me listen in, and it was hilarious - all I could do was laff, roflrofl. Especially since he started to repeat some of the sheeaht I said, and apparently his friend thought it was n00b speak... XD

"Btw, I've got some inks scanning in soon...

CHIP CHIP CHEERIO~!

Wtf??? It's POOPON!

SAY IT! SAY IT!!

wtf??? God, I want a burger..."

The best part about having Nick say "Do you have any great Poupon?" and "Chip, chip cheerio~!" is the fact that he IS Brit and it makes it funnier all the while. XD So they tried to get me into their shout cast radio; I had never heard Skype lag so hardcore as long as I've used it... it was this insane lag, and even worse when THREE people are trying to talk at once. Because every speaks once... then suddenly it lags, THEN it repeats what the person said a second time. Needless to say, I thought Nick was two people at one point...... And apparently it was only going on on my end. XD Dammit, you Euros screw everything up! ROFL. Nick saiz the lag was due to them being in Europe, and me being in the States... but man, that was hilarious. And I would love to be Mister Nickolas' co-host... had it not been for that lousy Skype... ;\

Btw, hope you guys like the new layout! I actually tried Googling "Spider-Man layouts" and I came across this boogah. =D Nowhere near as customizable like my passed layouts, but hay, I still <3 it, since Spidey makes up for it... ;) AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THAT POSTER!! omg omg Minute I get it I'm strouping to it. ROFL. <3 Tobey Maguire.... @_@ Then next poster: ...Jennifer Lopez. I saw this sexy azz poster of her and I have to get it...

Which reminds me of WOW. Ugh, I love my guild, need I say moar...? Also got to see the fots (and artoworks ;) of a friend of mine (Alistre). ...He reminds me of a lion. o_o Makes me want to put a bow in his hair...rofl So anyway, someone asked if Emilli was the alt of Neala or another guildie...So I told him I was Neala and such. Then some other guy started asking if I were a Night Elf, and I told him yes, and... it got to the point where he just had to start asking if I liked girls because of Jennifer Lopez. ROFL. Then I have another guildie PM'ing me, saying the guy will probably bust a nut of my NE danced for him and how sad it was... WOW manages to cheer me up, and I officially feel like I am getting sucked into it... D: It seems to be all I've been doing lately... rofl

So last night when Tory got offa work, I stole him away around 5:30 or so and we stopped at the car place around six to see that they closed their maintanence department around five... >_< Lately my car hasn't been turning on in the mornings and I need to have it fix'd. D: So since it was closed, we went to the mall and headed into FYE so he could get the new Mesmorized albulm then we went into GameStop, where I convinced him to buy the WOW game card... ROFL. Two-months' worth. Yay! Problem is, he has to buy the game, too... so I'm sure he's going to do that sometime this week...rofl Also came to find out that Guild Wars is NOT pay-to-play in the expansion pack! O_O!!!! OMG I'm so happeh. Now I think I can actually enjoy that game to its full potential... ROFL. (So Dawid, if you hadn't done so already, I'd suggest either one of WOW or GW because I'll be playing both... XD) GW expansion doesn't come out till April, and WOW expansion doesn't come out till aboot the Fall (oi, 150 people have it on reserve... @_@ 150 PEOPLE IN BRISTOL PLAY WOW!? DDDD:) Yeah...

And lately, I've been in a sketchy mood. So far I have two pieces of artz that need inking; make that three, to include Dawid's sketch to be inked rofl, and I need to hit up Gaia in the R/C so I can check out for original character requests... that would be nice to do. :] I need to make sum moneys on that game... rofl

I think I'm just rambling, now... D: So there's my entry for le dai, rofl TIME TO GET MY WOW FIX. XD

Had a northern lad,
not exactly had,
he moved like the sunset; God who painted that
First he loved my accent,
how his knees could bent
I thought we'd be okay,
me and my molasses.
But I feel something is wrong,
but I feel this cake just isn't done,
and don't say that you don't.
You don't show much these days.
It gets so fucking cold.
I loved his secret places,
but I can't go anymore.
"You change like sugar cane," says my northern lad.
Well, I guess you go too far when pianos try to be guitars.
I feel the west in you,
but I feel it falling apart, too.
Don't say that you don't.
And if you could see me now,
said if you could see me now,
girls you've got to know -
when it's time to turn the page
when your only wet, because of the rain.

And one more entry to spice up the night. ;)

Today I found the 60 gig drive that dad gave me a while back (I thought it didn't work anymore because I totally owned it, but it works, now!! O_O) and managed to go through a lot my old stuff (and my old song collection with I had to restore when I did fuck up my drive... XD)

I have a folder entitled "Stories" that I keep all of my written works in. In one of the subfolders I happened to notice one called AIM and found about five emails written from a guy named Aaron Kane, aka Ark,  that I used to have this romantical relationship about.... I'd say five to six years ago, by now. @_@ I happened to read through them, and remembered him and what he was like, and how his dad had to move him and his family up to Ontario, Canada for a new job called Eden Productions.

So I read through his emails, and I had actually completely forgotten that I think I had a relationship going on with him. I didn't think we were that close back in the day, Rofl. I just remember being a roleplay freak and was all-up-on's at the time. But to read these emails and ending in, "I love you's" and "I miss you's" seemed to bring up some old memories. I still think of him from time to time and wonder how he's been doing, since somehow we just managed to lose touch with one another after his move. I still have yet to finish reading through his emails, so I am hoping that I was smart enough to snag his email address... ROFL. But by now, I think he doesn't have it anymore... I guess maybe he's an old interbutts buddy that has just lost with the e-sands of time... But I still wonder about him though; I still even have his AIM screen name on my buddylist with an alert. But I never see it anymore.

Just remembering things like that is interesting. And makes me want to go on this expedition to finding him, LOL. I think I'll start with MySpace... ROFLMFAO. Doubt he would remember me, though. But it's worth a try - and something to do... :P I'm interested in seeing how much he's changed, and how much I've changed since we've last talked. I wonder if doing something like this is even possible?

Well, I am back again with some updatage. Needless to say, I have been playing a lot of hella WOW lately - I guess it helps me get away from it all... Lol. Plus I've got sum quests that need doing... @_@

This weekend, with the help of Tory ;), I managed to migrate from that cave on stilts I would like to call my attic room downstairs into my brother's old room. Omg, it feels so nice in here... now I don't have to worry about cats parading all over my sheeit and knocking my figurines over. ~.~ I put up a coupla new posters; my Spider-Man and Green Day posters.. ugh, I am in love with Green Day, I <3 their musiks... ;-; Tory also finally got me my belated Christmaz gift, which is yet another Spidey poster, but featuring the movie itself. ^_^ Mmmmm... Tobey Maguire. @_@ It's supposed to have half n' half face of Spidey and Tobey. Omg. You know what this means - hardcore stroupin' time the minute I get it. ROFLROFLROFL And I forgot Tory was willing to order shit off the internets for me since I can't do it myself - so I am going to take that into consideration in the future. :DDDD I've also got my Spidey calendar hanging up... I was too scared to hang it in my room since it would get trashed hardcore. Then I've got my collection of fots hanging up... Sigh, I've always wanted to do that... ;-; And now I can~! ^_^ All I need are pictures of Tory since well... I don't have any. ROFL.Also took advantage of the frame that Linh got me a birthday present the year she was an exchange student and put a picture of Linds and Jared in it. My, how it looks purday (even though Lindsey's pic is about five years old. ROFL.) Also is so nice to have a bigger screened TV, even though Tory suggests that I should invest in one with better quality... ^^; Which I'll prolly do when I get enough moneys or so... But aside from that, I am so glad that I can finally have a decent setup for my Slim Line and such... Yeah.

Once I finally get my room complete with moving shiz and all my stuff into it, I'll be sure to take pics. I'm so happy that I finally have a decent room - no one has to worry about bending their heads over... or, or, having to smell old shit and be constantly hot/cold in the summer/winter.. >< And best of all... when I have visitors they can just go into my room than just sit outside... LOL. Ugh... so nice. ;_; Now I need to work on that job part... LOL.

Last night was also a blast and almost felt like old times. Jared had the munchies and so did I, so we went to go eat at the mall and got ourselves sum Subway while Linds just watched us eat... Rofl. After we finished eating, I had saved a half of my 12-inch for dinner later that evening, but Jared wound up throwing it away on accident. u.u;;;; IDIOT. :U But then I thought aboot playing DDR, since on our way in through the back we double checked for Steven... >_< It just really blows that I have to be on the look out, now. I can't even visit one of my favorite childhood places anymore. Especially my favorite place to get a "work out" LOL. Ugh, playing DDR after eating made me feel sooo much better. It was like I could feel the fattie burning inside me.. :P I played a round with Stroup and that little man can GO. D: I was sooo jealous because my stamina totally blows now. Just playing DDR made me want to play more of it... Ugh. I miss it so much. ._. Just playing DDR in my car with Linds that one day brought back so many memories and made us miss the game. That game just makes me want to play it just get back in shape and burn 'dem calories... Rofl.

Also went back to Rob's today, since he was having his 75% off sale. I felt bad because I wanted to return the Human Torch comics that I bought, since I am such an impulse buyer. @_@ But it was all worth it just to get that Spiderman Encyclopedia that I've been wanting to get for aboot a month or two now, LOL. It was actually about $25, then Rob had his 50% sale which brought it down to aboot $12.50, then today it was around $6.25. I just had to pay Rob a differnce of 25 cents. LOL. Ugh, it's so awesome, I actually read a lot of it - especially about MJ and Felicia - while visiting Tory at Pizza Hut. xP

Linds, Jared, and I (and Tory, when we get the chance to, ROFL) have been going to Pearkins a lot lately. I didn't realize how nice that place is to go since it's opened 24 frickin' 7. Especially with such nice service. It's like a ghetto O'Charley's! >_>; And now it just seems to be a tradition for me to bring along my Spiderman coloring book and crayons everytime we go there, Rofl. Finally get to use those durned things. :P

Anyway... I think I've said much already. Don't want anyone to read a damn novel, LOL. Sorry for lack of updates - just not much has been going on TO write about... Lol. Let's just hope that my week goes by smoothly... >< And I know it will be nooooice when I get that poster.... O_O