Man, I really hate it just before my period begins. Because during that day or two, I wind up getting all emo and depressed.

I haven't talked to Linds in a long while, and since she's been hanging out with Danielle, talking with Greg, and sleeping, well, I dunno. Makes it seem like she doesn't want me around or something. And I know if I don't bother to call for a long period of time, she won't bother to call herself. ~_~ So I just mustered up to talk to her about it. I'm still feeling poopy about it, though. Ugh.

Then there's the whole situation with Steven. We talk seldomly and when I feel like IM'ing him when he's on (which is about my doing about 90% of the time...) and I just get this distinct feeling that he doesn't even want to try regrowing our friendship. -_- I try talking to him about Holly and stuff... maybe get to know their relationship a bit more. Talk to him about his Valentine's Day, and he seemed all happy and jittery. But when I throw in what I did, all I get are, "-_-'s" and "...'s". BAH. Then he has the odacity to pass me up on the Parkway. I don't know what the fuck he feels anymore. I think all I get from him is HATE, HATE, HATE. He doesn't give a shit. Maybe I shouldn't either, anymore... Just wish he would open up or something and tell me how he truly feels. Would be nice for a change, instead of another God damn argument. Are my efforts truly worthless? Someone please tell me different if they aren't.

Then I hardly ever talk to Dawid anymore. But at least he's fixing his wonky internets. Basically it just feels like what we had is falling apart. Maybe it was too damn good to be true. I can't even talk to him anymore without fogging my eyes up and just wondering wtf is going to happen. He says it's more than possible that he will be coming to Anime Mid-Atlantic with me. But I just have this gut feeling that he's probably better off going to bigger conventions and probably has things better to do. If I'm lucky, maybe I can get my hopes up. Again.

And I don't know if Tory and I will get back together or not. I'm still worried that he might hurt me, even though I'm usually the heartbreaker... Can't help but know the feeling, though. I remember at the beginning of our relationship, the ways I acted and my immaturity really got to him. He told me that he was over that now, and that he wants me to just be "me." But who's to say that he still feels that I get on his nerves from time to time, and eventually, it'll just boil and he'll tell me to fuck off? I don't know... I trust him with a lot of things, now. And I admit, our relationship feels like it ended prematurely. But I don't know... I just want a little convincing is all. I just hope he understands that. I just don't want someone to hurt me due to me being ME.

This is my depression talking. I really dread getting my period now. I blow things out of proportion and say things that I don't mean and that don't need to BE said... but it's a journal, hey, I don't care, as long as someone has to confront me with it.

Makes me wish I could swallow pills. Then I would totally take anti-depressants... -_-