I am a type of "girlfriend" (or whatever I am these days) that is more than willing to make friends with the ex-girlfriends of my current love interests (so long as they weren't jealous psychos or bat shit crazy.) However, when I do make friends with these girls, I pick them apart and realize, 

"This girl has more to offer than I do. Why the fuck is he with me?"

For instance, I see one of Jason's ex-girlfriends (or, first love if you want to get technical - at least that's how I look at it) who is just as artistically inclined as I am (we've discussed collaborations and whatnot) and she is actually a decent person (although Jason begs differ, but that's beside the point.) She's a really attractive girl, gothic (I don't know how else to describe the style, but she wears lolita and cosplays exceptionally well), has piercings (probably tattoos, as well), fair-skinned, cute face, and a nice figure to boot (similar to mine, at least); she has a love of anime/managa, gaming, goes to clubs, drinks, smokes, etc...

She seems to be Jason's type and exactly what he would want in a girl. And what do I have to offer? Maybe a love of drawing, anime, and gaming, and that is probably as far as it goes. If anything, I have my "average" body to keep me going in the long run. But other than that, she has so much more than me. They still communicate every once in a while (although I was told by Jason that they both agreed what they had now was totally platonic), but I can't help but wonder, why is there no spark between them anymore, or again for that matter? I am plain and average above all else, and I just can't help but wonder what there is about me that he wants anything to do with. I think it is something that he will never tell me, or be able to tell me. And I guess this whole thing comes from my intimidation and apprehension of other women - picking myself apart as to compare myself to them and make them out to be the betters as opposed to me.

I am the generic out-going, open-minded, gamer, artistic, anime geek that every nerdy boy dreams of. Keyword: generic. Because I have a decent figure and appearance is just a bonus to the package. And although at times that come to be quite an advantage for me, right now, it's not exactly something that makes me happy about myself, either. Believe it or not, I hate being the type of girl that every gamer nerd pursues. I'm tired of it, and it doesn't make me remotely unique. But unfortunately, it's something I just can't change about myself. I can't help the fact that I am near obsessed with my DS, that I have a talent for drawing, and passion for reading manga and watching beautiful art in motion, and the fact that I feel independent enough to where I could give shit less if I mention the word "penis" in a crowded retail store. I am who I am, and it seems like I can never stand out as much as I used to years ago. Now it seems like just about every girl of my "kind" are remotely the same way in some form or fashion. These guys claim that we are a rarity. Believe me, we are not.