Well, finally back from Richmond and the first thing that I wanted to do was hop on the net. :) Of course, Dial-up was being a painorz and wouldn't let me get on with my crap box, but magically, the mysterious router bandit striked again, and I managed to leech off of him/her. xD Rofl, Dunno how long it'll last, so I'm going to try and post as much as I can in a decent amount of time before getting "kicked." :D!

Well one thing I learned during my stay in Richmond, is that the only person that will know me as well as I do is myself. I really can't stand it when people act/think they know me more than I do. They like to assume shit about me that isn't entirely true. :| I would say the ones who would know me just about as much as I do would be Linds and a few acceptions. Other than that, others have yet to know me just as well or never will, Rofl. :\ But I'll rant about that some other time...

Also managed to get the entire season of Samurai Champloo - all 26 episodes. YAYUH! ^_^ Rofl, fomg, I can't wait to watch it with Tory. It's going to be the roxxor. :O Champloo = the own. God, I love samurai anime. I have yet to try to get into this other samurai anime... can't quite remember what it was called. I know it involved a little dood uber pissed at the Choshu Clan for murdering his parents, so he joins the Shinsengumi. o_O Any anime hardcore otaku who care to tell me the title of it, PLZ POST. Rofl. But nonetheless, I really heart Kenshin, Champloo, and Kazemakase - Rei are big samurai whore. ^_^;

(Got disconnected, poo. ROFL. D:)

So, yes, a lot has happened this past weekend. Aside from PJ's constant bickering and complaining about how I hadn't hung out with him much and his bitching about Sonya, I lived, I suppose. I wound up blowing all my money, so I'm pretty much brokeded until I get my next paycheck, Rofl. D: Wednesday I'm supposed to hang out with Matt, so that should roxxor. :) I heart Matty, can't wait to see him again (I felt bad for not being in town on Saturday... :P). We're also supposed to hang out with Josh after church - I can't wait to dry hump that fucker!! :D!!! Rofl. I haven't seen him in months. D:

Over the weekend, I've also felt I've gotten a bit closer to some friends than I have a bit more than before. Tim and I had ourselves a couple of long talks about the past, present, and future of our relationship. It's weird how things can change when you choose different paths in your life. I mean, as he and I discussed it; he would seem a lot happier (and with less grey hairs) if he wasn't with Katie? I don't know, it's hard to explain. But he needs to move his ass back to Richymond. :| But needless to say, I don't think he and I will ever have another try again. I still feel that I am no longer up to his standards, and I will remain that way... As for Adam, he and I have had our chats online for quite a bit about Steven and his well being, as well as sharing our rants of how things changed in our group. He says he's broken away from them, and feels he has to try to regain everyone's trust, since he was pretty much declared the "source" and "bad guy" through out the whole ordeal with talking shit and butchering stories about everyone. I am still not entirely sure if he's trusting enough - and he understands that. But if Steven feels comfortable enough with opening up to him, then maybe I could be, too. Then again, Steven tends to open up to just about anyone and it usually backfires. We warned each other to watch out for that - but that's Steven for you. Can't really change that. I'm just glad that I at least have <i>somebody</i> looking out for Steven. Hamilton and Blevins are just worthless and could really care less, now. I feel that if Steven is happy and with someone new, that maybe he and I can return to our old selves again and hang out again. I still really miss him. It made me kind of sad because I couldn't really spend more time with him, as depressing as we were at the time. I managed to open up to him and tell him all that I feel, but I just pray that all of what I said didn't go in one ear and out the other. 

...The only thing I did forget to tell him was "I love you." But I wouldn't of known how he would take that if I did. I still want to tell him that. Then Tory and I had had our long talks - it was nice for us to open up a bit more to each other. Even if it were a time of him feeling quite poopy (for lack of a better word), somehow, it felt good knowing he's gradually opening up to me. It makes me feel a bit more trusting the more he does. It's just sad how I can't really do anything about it. ...I can only listen. I feel that's all that I am good for at times. And people like PJ seem to take that the wrong way and make me WANT to not open up to them. >:|

It's funny how "trust" can go a long way. (For some odd reason it makes me think of the Rurouni Kenshin OVA, "Trust and Betrayal.") A lot of people feel that they can't trust me at times because I have a big mouth on me. Which is true, I won't deny that. But I don't have a big mouth for the wrong reasons. If I feel it's something that I need to talk about, I will. And even though people tell me "don't say this shit" I always wind up telling Lindsey about it. Lindsey, I would say, I look up to. Because she keeps her mouth shut. People get pissed when they find out that I tell her things that I shouldn't. But that's because I trust her. And I thank her for the all the bullshit that she has to tolerate when I mouth it off to her, Rofl. I feel that I can trust her above more than anyone else. And it takes a lot to gain that kind of position from me. I really want to have more than one "Lindsey" ...but she is truly one of a kind. However, I would still want to be trusted. I want someone to trust me enough to at least tell me their problems (unless it's something stupid like PJ's constant bitching; then I just won't give a shit.) I probably won't have much to say in response, but I will at least listen. I'm a great listener. I'm not saying this as some sort of subliminal message. But in general - I'm trying to figure out how I can gain the position of being trustworthy.