Guh.

I don't know where to begin.

I've finally got uber feelings for someone; more or less a crush, but still... I hope for them to grow into something more, but I don't want to chance it. Last thing I would want is to be turned down. Somehow it makes me eyes moist just thinking about how I feel, Rofl.

I want to open up at least a little to him - kind of leave like, a "gateway" open or something to where he'll give at least a little input. But I dunno. I'm afraid if I open up, we'll start something, then feel we moved too fast, then have the relationship fall apart. And I wouldn't want that to happen. It could be infatuation, shore. But I want to dig it up into something more than just that.

For some reason I feel sort of "special" around him. Or maybe it's because I've gotten out and finally with someone different other than the usual guys that I know like Tim or Steven. I want to talk with him more. I want to get to know him more, and vice versa. I want something to happen - but I just don't know how he feels. I'm afraid I'll scare him, or something, considering how he didn't exactly give up on relationships, but rather, bah, I can't explain it, Rofl. i r t3h suxxor at explaining things.

Sigh. ._. I really want to open up. I am just afraid of the outcome, and all. I've been really happy lately. I've been reall happy with him. And being me, I am also starting to open up with him more. I want to be open like I am with Linds and Jared. I just want us to feel that "connection"... I just want to know how he feels...

Tonight we stopped by Sam's so he could drop off the Boondock Saints for tomorrow night. We wound up staying there for about an hour or so (kinda got me into trouble,t ho. xP) And I felt mad jealous, but then again, I've already convinced myself and learned that they're friends. I've friends that I have the same relationships with. And I know I've had, for example, Steven or Tim, even, getting jealous over those friends that I have. Like Petor or Eroic. But man, it really blows feeling intimidated... Rofl. I look at how they are together, and I just feel like crawling into a ball and rolling down a hill in a trash can. @3@! Because I guess I'm a bit envious... I see a lot of things in her that I am not, even in a lot of other people I know of, and it just kind of hurts. It feels like as if... I dunno. Like I'm not myself.

But with things like that, I get over it and grit my teeth and bear it. It's not like, I get all, "OMG OMG OMG SOTP IT J00 MAKE MEH JEALOUS ;oSDgsodfhdh - has anurism. -" ...Like Steven. I've learned to respect other people and to keep it in and get the hell over it. I hate the possessive type, and I sure as hell am not going to be one, or ever be one. BAH. Rofl, I hate thinking sometimes. xD

I already feel better thanks to a few folk. :3 <3 God, I love having friends. Rofl. Ahhh, yes, cock juggling thunder cunt!! O_O! And a random AIM conversation with me and Mark: xD

Rei Chan YoYo: I am, but I have to take credit recovery for a class I failed. :\
rainlorean: like cheese its gouda
rainlorean: or something of those sorts
Rei Chan YoYo: :D????
rainlorean: ohhh
rainlorean: *wingles fingers* bad bad bad...which one you fail?
Rei Chan YoYo: Geometry. D:<
Rei Chan YoYo: because i r teh suxxor at math. :\
rainlorean: and by that sentence grammar may not be your strong suit ^_^
rainlorean: but its ok


Only time will tell what happens. Until then, I think I'll get some Dairy Queen, if I ever get the chance, Rofl. I want something sweet to get my hyper as fuck. D: