Being this depressed really blows. And I hate it so much. I can't just turn around and pretend to be happy. I'll just wind up crying myself to sleep when I come home.

It's really hard to find someone that I feel will love me for who I am. I can't just randomly pick them up off the street, or expect us to fall in love the next two days. I realize that I have so many faults that they even over-ride my good sides. I feel I doubt that I can find anyone to love me regardless of my faults and the fact that I can have the mind of a child sometimes. I don't want to be with someone just because I'm lonely, or depressed, or just want to date for the hell of it. I just don't want to risk getting dumped just because he found someone better than me. I don't want to get heart broken because he can't stand the way I act sometimes or the things I do. I don't want to waste my heart on someone that will just hurt me in the end because they can't just accept me for who I am. 

I guess it's just another reason for me to leave this podunk town.