I find it interesting how love works, honestly.

And okay, so I lied, I guess I will be spilling my guts tonight.

I was in love with a man once, long distance, for nearly two whole years. Even though we constantly bounced off and on with each other, we both clung hard to each other in desperation. We made plans, plans that failed, yet we kept going, blindly, but knowing damn well there wasn't a future there nor here. Not any longer for either of us. It officially ended in March. Hearts were broken, lives departed, and now we speak maybe once a month or every other month. He has an amazing girlfriend now, and I think she's all that a man could ever ask for. She's absolutely brilliant, and she even makes me jealous wishing that I could be the woman that she is. I completely support them both. Most of all though, I'm glad that he's happy. I think it's beyond what words could describe.

I met someone in March; one person who finally allowed me to experience so many things that I had never experienced before. And this isn't an exaggeration. I somewhat feel that there is a part of him that has done kind of dent in my life; something that will make me remember and never forget. And it's not the virginity that I am talking about either, hah hah. It was something about his persona. The type of man that I would never consider into my most intimate life. Is it possibly that everyone in their lives have at least one person who has impacted their lives in ways that they've never expected? Or am I just crazy?

Somehow he made me believe in signs. And how things specifically happen for a reason. I rethink all of my situations and wonder "what would it be like if this happened", and so on. It probably started when the mother even briefly mentioned the idea of California. I hated it, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave my friends, my loves, my relatives. But somehow my thoughts changed. I wanted to move. I wanted to get out of that town. I wanted to start something new, something fresh. And as selfish as it may sound of me, I also wanted to move for Dawid. I would be so much closer to him, and we would see each other mid-summer of 2007. Or so I thought I would. But I felt almost half of my move was mainly for him, because I loved him. Someone that I had once thought to be my soul mate without even touching each other.

I'm in California. I'm starting fresh. All of my baggage is left behind, but still the same person as I was before I left. But I manage to get a speeding ticket, and forced myself to get a job, and I met someone. While at the same time, he had moved from his hometown just an hour away for a girlfriend he had met, and to get out of the drama of his own town only to break it off with her three months prior to meeting me. 

What I found funny though, was the fact that he fell for me, and I wasn't remotely attracted, hah hah. But somehow we just hung out one day, and it just clicked. It just fucking clicked. And I immediately found myself head over heels and after a drunk night of being pathetic and crying with regret for denying him, I wanted him. Bad.

That was when things ended with Dawid.

I had Jason for myself. I was all his, and he was unexpected. He smoked, he drank, he wasn't necessarily big on his wardrobe and a hella metalhead. Had an asshole attitude about him, never really opened up (unless blessed with a tall one.) He was just one of those guys that I particularly wouldn't find myself with. But there was chemistry, and somehow our opposites immediately attracted. What I also find ironic is the fact that I am a Libra and he is an Aries - each other's opposites of the zodiac, hah hah. Newayz.

He was the first one that I had made love with. It wasn't exactly a bad full of rose petals by the candlelight. But the moment in itself was special. I never thought that I would find myself with this guy when I moved here, I never figured that I would do something like this so soon. I never thought I'd find myself falling so hard for a person that I want to be with, and to have him want me too.

He's special to me. I can't even put it into words. And of all of these signs, I just find it so convenient. So am I just crazy? Or maybe I met him for a reason. We still yearn for each other. His body compliments mine so perfectly, and somehow we have those days where we just connect...

I just keep asking myself, and wondering, did I meet this man for a reason? Somehow something had led us to each for a reason. Or is it merely a matter of convenience and coincidence? Somehow I refuse to believe that.