I feel like I've become somewhat numb, now. I no longer feel loved or wanted as I used to be, I believe it's all due in part to me and myself alone.

Just as I had expected, I've pretty much lost the important loves I've had in my life up to this point. I feel one steadily drifting apart and I feel one who has already made his leave. To be honest, it's something I've had pretty much expected to happen. One way or another I would wind up losing both in this great battle between my heart and my mind over a period of almost half a year, now. And now I think it is finally drawing to a close. Time to pack up, grow up, and move on to better conquests. I refuse to set myself up for failure or heart break (again). I know when I'm not wanted. When I'm not loved the way I should be. And when I know that, I see no point in clinging to one person who can't give me that or feel they can't find it in themselves to do so.

And I guess there is that bitter, clich'e idea of one loving you enough that they will come back to you, if you're even meant to be together. But I'm not even entirely sure of that in itself. I've pretty much run both men into the ground. And I guess the one that does come back, I am probably meant to be with or worth having a new start with.

Maybe something will happen eventually when I'm not so fixated with finding someone else special or someone who is best suited to my wants and needs, or perhaps who bears the qualities of both men that I had found in one and the other. Thing is, I don't know if that will ever happen. But when it does, I guess it will be when I am at my happiest.