Don't you just hate it when you regret certain decisions or mistakes that you make that you regret the hell out of? I think the lot of us sure do. Well, I'm kind of suffering from that tonight, so to those who read my blog, prepare for a goopy emo post, Rofl.

Well. In order to understand the situation at hand, you would have to take a glimpse into the past year I've coped with or so. But I'm not about to explain, since I'm too lazy and I'm sure nobody wants to read a novel in the early AM, ROFL. But regardless, I'll just tell what I can enough to where someone can understand wtf I'm talking about, Lol. 

I think everyone's gone through the situation where they've broken off a close relationship with someone -- but once they find someone new, well, you just panic. Right? Just... the urges to be with them again and to yearn for their attention, hoping that they'll come right back to you. That's what I'm kind of going through right now. In reference to the first paragraph, I feel I regret doing what I did. Leaving a perfectly good relationship. Sure, it was dysfunctional for the time being. But it's sad how we both came to realize what the main problem was, and well... how we could have fixed it. But sadly, we were too late to fix it, and to start back on the good foot. Now all I can do is either a) sit back and wait, or 2) ...well, try to move on. But it's that feeling that's sticking me - the hope that one day we'll have our chance. I've come to realize that not all relationships last forever. Or most, for the most part. I know, I feel bad about it; the fact that I hope this relationship of his ends. Just so I can have another grab at 'em. But if only it were that simple. I told him I'd wait. Weeks. Months. Years, maybe. Probably not that long, though. ROFL. If it comes to years, then you KNOW you have to get over that person. xD; 

I'm not really looking for advice. I know what I have to/should do. But it's just the mere fact that... there's still the smallest opportunity that there's one more chance for us to have another go. It makes me sad at the thought of, "What if this relationship never ends for him?" I feel bad for hoping it would. Of course I want him to be happy. And he feels the guilt on his shoulders that I'm still stuck. That I am in the position to where I feel I can't move on and that I'm not as happy as I should be. I say that I have to get used to it. It's my first time going through with something like this. 

Does it help at all believing that someday we'll work it out again? Of course I wouldn't react this way with just any relationship. And the most of you could just tell me off about this: but it's hard to move on when you feel this person was actually your first love. I know, some may think I could eventually move on and believe the next best thing is my first love. Which is certainly not true. Love is a funny feeling. People have different explanations for it. I honestly believe that he's my first love. And it's hard to move on when this particular person that you've once shared so many firsts and fond memories with has someone new to share new experiences, new memories, new friends, etc., etc., with. I feel jealous somewhat because of those reasons. This makes me start to believe that I'm the posessive one, Lol... Like I want him all for myself, you know? You get that feeling that... that you can't see yourself with anyone else, that you just want to stay with this person the rest of your life. 

Or maybe I'm just reacting this way because he found someone new. It's scary the way both life and love works. It's hard to want to have a relationship, but then again, to carry the burden of when it will end. It hurts when he told me she said, "I think I am falling in love with you." One man's trash, another man's treasure; rather, one woman's happiness, another woman's sadness. As cliche as that may sound, Rofl...

Wish me luck, guys. For it's going to be a bumpy ride.